This is HARD

When the pain of staying sober becomes less than the pain of getting drunk  you'll stay sober

It’s a dreary Tuesday morning, it rained all weekend.   I managed to stay sober this weekend, but wow was it hard.  I was not expecting that at all.  It started to annoy me late Friday afternoon, and continued throughout the weekend.  Even though I knew I was not going to drink, it was on my mind all weekend.  Why can’t I be like normal people and have a drink?!  But the thing is, I didn’t want A drink, I wanted 6 drinks.  I am trying not to romanticize drinking, and remind myself it is an illusion!!!

I worked out this weekend, but I ate a lot of sugar.  I think I was trying to fill a void by eating food.  I felt dull, restless, bored, agitated.  There was SOMETHING missing, and nothing could fill it.

We left the lake Saturday evening, as I was feeling weird and wanted to be back home in my king size bed.  Thank goodness we left when we did, because of course my brothers and dad got in a fight, because they all drank too much.  Shocker.  Just reinforces why drinking causes me anxiety.  Even when I am not drinking and I am around my family, or other drinkers who are clearly intoxicated, I noticed I get anxiety.  I never know whats going to happen, who is going to blow up.

When we got back from the lake, we went to a bbq at my man’s (G) we will call him, friends house.  G wanted to grab some beers for the bbq, and was let down when we realized the store was closed.  In my head I thought “See you don’t want to even go to one bbq without a drink, and here I have to do everything without a drink.”  That was just my little bitchy attitude speaking up, as he is the most normal drinker I know.

When we got to the bbq, Ty’s girlfriend also said she was glad I was there so she didn’t feel pressured to drink because she didn’t feel like it.  That made me feel good that I could be a good influence on other people.  I didn’t drink, I enjoyed the bbq.

And here I am this morning, happy that I survived, and once again PROUD.  I did not give in to the feelings, and they passed.

I read something from a fellow blogger that said “Don’t do something life changing and serious, like take a drink, when you are having feelings.  The feelings will pass, you having a drink will start the cycle again.

I can’t stand the thought of starting over at day 1.

Today is a stressful day, I am signing the papers at 1 today to take over my dad’s business.  It isn’t going well as my other brother is mad, possibly quitting, family drama, our secretary has something up her a** lately…. ugh.  I keep thinking of the new financial responsibilities I have now… BUT…..I CAN get through this, without a drink.  I will.

Much Love, xo

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “This is HARD

  1. Have you tried to meditate? I used to drink a lot and quitted so many times, and i finally. I started meditating and finding why I was drinking. After a couples of months my cravings for drinking were almost gone. It was no easy, and I can relate to the struggle. But it is worth the shot! Good vibes!

    Like

    • Hi and thank you for the response! I have been on/off with meditating, but never for a significant amount of time to see the true benefits. Glad to hear it worked so well for you- I am going to give it shot- 10 mins a day to start! Thanks 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Soberrella here. Have you ever seen the blog Tired of Thinking About Drinking. If not check it out. It really helped me a lot. I was able to get 6 months sober and I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful I felt physically, mentally and spiritually. It is not easy in the beginning. You really have to just hunker down and do it. But if you can get past say 4 months you will really start to feel a difference. Good luck. I’m on your side.

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    • Hi Soberella,
      I have not checked out that blog- I will do that this morning. I have glimpses of those days of feeling so high and amazing, then low days, but you are so right, ive got to hunker down and do it!

      Thanks girl xo

      Like

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