Last night I was thinking about how the first 2+ weeks of my sobriety, I was excited and had motivation, and drinking was not even a thought. I was MUCH better off without it.
I still know I am much better off without it, but lately I think I have been slacking in my recovery.
I still come online and read tons of blogs, and write here, but other than that, I don’t have a group I belong too or anything. The only people who are aware of the way my drinking escalated are my mom and my boyfriend. My best friend saw a bit of it (how I turn into a different person, pass out, puke all day after etc) but she still doesn’t know the whole extent of it, and still thinks one day I can be a normal drinker.
I talk a lot about it to my boyfriend, because it is so special and new for me still, but I don’t want to bore him about talking about me, me, me all the time. G is always telling me how proud he is of me, and lately he’s been telling me multiple times a day how beautiful I am, and how great I look! (That is deff a plus). My mom is probably my biggest supporter. I can tell her anything, and she doesn’t judge me. I am so thankful for that. I almost think of her as my sponsor, because if I ever get close to having a drink or need someone to talk me off the ledge, shes the person I call.
BUT, other than that, all my friends drink. Not that I wont/dont hang out with them anymore, but I am feeling like I want other completely sober connections to help me navigate what I am going through.
I know so many people who have been changed since the day they walked in AA, but I just can’t take that step yet. Why? Am I embarrassed? I don’t know why. I just can’t take the step yet. I joined an online recovery website yesterday, with online AA meetings and such, maybe that is a good place to start.
I missed yoga this week, have been eating badly, haven’t gotten in all my workouts, and have been just going home, watching T.V, having a bath and going to bed. I need excitement and purpose in my life, or I’ll just go back to drinking. I need to get back to the recovery toolbox I have, and use it everyday, I can sense myself slipping.
I’m going to do my yoga, do my daily meditations, get some exercise in, drink tons of water and get BACK IN THE GAME!
Much Love, xo