Last night I got into a huge spat with my boyfriend. To be honest, I have been an uptight b**** lately.
But, I feel like he downplays how hard this is for me. I am only a bit past 2 months sober, I am still healing from my wisdom teeth and have pain all day, I am now kind of feeling dull and flat and almost….. depressed.
I’ve been wondering if maybe I shouldn’t have just quit taking my anxiety medication just like that. I have noticed my moods are much more unstable now, and given that I quit drinking and such maybe it wasn’t the right thing at the right time.
I was just feeling so good….. but that’s what I guess always happens.
I have contemplated going back on them, for the sake of others around me mostly LOL. But, a part of me doesn’t want to. Plus, it’s already been probably 3 weeks off them, maybe I should just ride out the withdrawal symptoms and dull moments and really get into the bigger picture of my depression.
I am cancelling my gym membership today, and joining an all exclusive yoga studio, which just happens to be right beside my work 🙂 My plan is to start waking up early every morning to go yoga practice for an hour, I NEED to practice yoga 5 days per week, and meditate. Yes, and mediate, at least 5 days per week.
So back to the title of this post.
My boyfriend had his two buddies over drinking in the back yard last night because we just re did our backyard and bought a patio set and such! Which is a good thing, but I was still in pain from my teeth, and him and I had already made plans to go finish getting the hammock put up, and go out for dinner together. Then he kinda just changed those plans and thought I would be all cool with it, but I wasn’t in the mood to socialize or watch them drink or anything.
Last night I told him I don’t know if I can be with someone who drinks, like even a little, even at all. I don’t like anything about it. Am I being ridiculous? He has no problem with his drinking, and never loses control. But yet, I feel like if he can take it or leave it so easily like he says, then leave it, for me, because this is just way to hard for me to do alone. I am proud I didn’t drink last night but I feel a lot of pent up energy inside. Maybe I should reach out to other sober people (in person), maybe I can’t do this alone.
I wanted so bad to just drink and have fun and sit in the backyard last night. It was such a sunny, beautiful evening.
I’m feeling deflated, I’m feeling dull. Does this change? Am I just in a stage of sobriety I can’t see?