Day 6- no weed

I have almost gotten to one week without weed!  WOOHOO!!!  I know this time is different.  I don’t even want to smoke weed anymore- something that used to give me such pleasure (or so I thought) I have somehow managed to turn into pain.

Pain of letting myself down.  Pain of not living up to my full potential.  Pain of not being present.  I have been in 2 situations where weed was offered to me over the weekend, and I declined both times.  Not that I didn’t think about it and want it, but I like waking up now knowing I didn’t let myself down.

It is the best feeling in the world. I had a good weekend.  We went to a friends 30th birthday party, where everyone got bombed, but me, usually I would have smoked because it made me feel like at least I wasn’t totally sober.  I actually enjoyed myself much much more without the weed.

I had great convos about religion and spirituality, and I wasn’t nervous or anxious.  Which I usually am, second guessing what I said.

G got a little drunk and emotional about some stuff, which was difficult.  But I didn’t smoke, I wanted to sooo badly, because I HATE feeling emotions.  And its also just a habit- that I am breaking one thread at a time.  Now I just want to feel everything- what can I learn from this?

Tomorrow will be 1 week without weed- 120.00 saved.  I think I will buy myself a little reward!

I have been more irritable then normal- and quick to jump down G’s throat- But thank goodness he knows what I am going through and he is sooooo supportive!!

Also, he kicked weed alongside with me.  He truly is my source of inspiration and support. What an amazing man I was blessed to have.

I have been eating, and sleeping even better then when I smoked up.  I am feeling a little drained and down some days, non energetic.  But that too will pass.  I can’t expect my body to mend in 1 week what I did to it for 12 years.  I have been having the most night sweats ever- like drenched every day when I wake up- but that’s a good thing!

Happy Monday guys! xoxoxox

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