Smoking on weekends

2 weeks back, we went to the lake, and I smoked during the weekend.  At first, I really didn’t like it.  I smoked way too much and was so paranoid about spiders and ridiculous things.  I couldn’t stop worrying, and I ate like literally everything in the kitchen.  I woke up and I felt tired, and irritable and moody all day long.
I smoked again the next day, not as much and I did the night before, but I liked it a bit more, smoking too much weed after not smoking for a while is NOT FUN!!

Some observations of mine while smoking:

  • worrying to much
  • picking out my eyelashes again
  • restless leg syndrome
  • desire to eat everything even way past the point of being comfortable
  • makes me shut off my mind and just relax for once

Then, I didn’t smoke anything through the week and waited until the weekend.  Last weekend I smoked, but I had some crazy epiphanies about my life while I was high, that I do not think I would have had if I didn’t smoke.  I knew I needed to act on my thoughts, and had to fire our new girl, but I was scared.  She was not working out, and I just bought this company, I can’t afford to have the wrong fit.

And now on Wednesday, I have not smoked in 2 days.  I find myself way more clear headed in the mornings, not moody or irritable or still tired from a weed hangover (which is crazy for me, because I was so used to smoking every single day I never thought I noticed a difference, but there is A HUGE difference).

My new plan is to not smoke during the week at all, but only smoke on weekends.  I am so up and down with weed, I just know that I can’t be a daily smoker.  It is a lot easier said than done though, as I did want to smoke yesterday but pulled through.  I just know that if I break my “rules” and start smoking during the week, I have failed my attempt to cut back and then I must resort to full on cold turkey quitting again- because that would mean I have no control.

I know in all due time, at the right time, when God sees fit, I will quit completely.  But for now I am going to smoke on weekends.  I do have a bit of hesitation, because I am not as motivated on weekends and because I also do not want to just stay at home, smoke weed and not socialize…

I am proud of myself though.  No drinks in 5 months, wooohoo!!  That is totally becoming normal for me now, and I have cut back on my weed smoking to only 2x per week, its not perfect, but it is better than I used to be, and to me that is A OK!

 

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